為何來到瑟谷？
當時我在一間傳統的學校上學，覺得除了逮到機會就逃學之外，我沒有很多選擇。 我的父母可能覺得選擇更少，因為在8到10歲之間，我不再假裝學校對我有任何影響力，我一直在中午走出學校、蹺課並長時間拒絕上學、常被叫進校長辦公室、斷然拒絕做任何作業、拒絕聽老師說話、當我爸媽來參加親師會談時拒絕離場⋯⋯
我記得在二年級的某天，當我7或8歲時，我意識到學校有什麼問題，以及為什麼我不喜歡它。有趣的是，這跟你們的世界（東亞）有關。當時我在消磨上課時間，翻閱一本還沒上到的社會課本，這樣我就可以忽略老師在說什麼。忽然間，我看到一篇關於中華人民共和國（書中簡稱為「中國」）的文章。
這本書是在美國總統尼克森與毛澤東會談後幾年出版，作者急於寫下中國的美好。我記得最清楚的是一張照片，照片中成百上千的人穿著同樣的衣服、騎著同樣的腳踏車，在同一個時間往同一個方向騎，標題描述中國每個人「一起工作」——在同一時間以同樣的方式做同樣的事情——是多麼「美妙」。
我看到對於中國共產主義的描述，我嚇壞了，它恰恰符合我對學校的認知以及我為何討厭上學：認為強迫所有人做同樣的事、假裝擁有同樣想法是合理的這個概念，是一場噩夢，是大錯特錯。我當時想著，難怪這本書讚美這個制度（共產主義），可以這樣控制別人簡直是學校老師的天堂嘛。
當我意識到傳統學校存在的目標，就是讓每個人都變成一模一樣，我開始感到如釋重負。原來我在學校的種種問題，不是我的錯——這些問題會出現，是因為老師們在心裡相信，控制和奴役他人是正確的。
那次被課本嚇到之後，我繼續在傳統學校中待了兩年。
但在那兩年裡，我感到更自由了——可以隨時離開學校、拒絕老師、為自己辯護——我發現只有當我決定允許他們阻止我時，他們才能阻止我。實際上，這對我來說已經沒那麼難了，因為我知道無論老師們怎麼說，我都擁有自己。
（未完待續）
I was a student in a traditional school at the time, and at the time I didn't feel that I had much choice but to leave at the first opportunity. My parents probably felt that they had even less choice, because between ages 8 and 10 I simply stopped pretending that the school had any power over me. I had been walking out of school in the middle of the day; playing hooky and refusing to go to school at all for lengths of time; being regularly called into the principal's office; categorically refusing to do any of the work; refusing to pay any attention to the teacher; refusing to leave the room when my parents came for parent-teacher conferences.
I remember a day in 2nd grade, when I was age 7 or 8, when I realized what was wrong with the school, and why I didn't like it. And it is, interestingly, connected to your part of the world. I was whiling away my time in class, thumbing through a social studies book that hadn't been assigned, so that I could ignore whatever it was that the teacher was talking about, when I came across an article about the People's Republic of China (referred to in that book simply as "China").
The book had been published just a few years after United States President Nixon had talks with Mao. And the authors of the book were anxious to write about how wonderful China was. What I remember most vividly was a photograph of hundreds and hundreds of people all dressed the same and riding identical bicycles in the same direction at the same time, and a caption describing how 'wonderful' it was that everybody 'worked together' in China, doing the same things at the same time in the same way.
I saw these explanations of Chinese Communism, and I was horrified. It was exactly what I knew and hated about school. The idea that it was reasonable to force any person to act the same as, to pretend to think the same thoughts as, and to do the same things as others, was a nightmare. It was shockingly wrong. The connection I made then and there was that "no wonder this book is praising this system; controlling other people is Heaven for school teachers."
Realizing that this aim to make everybody the same was the impulse behind a traditional school, I began to feel relief. I realized that my problems with school were not my fault --that they arose because the teachers believed, in their hearts, that it was right to control and enslave other people.
I was in traditional school for another two years after that experience with the textbook.
But for those two years I felt much freer to leave school whenever I wished, to refuse the teachers, and to stand for myself -- I realized that they could only stop me if I decided to permit them to stop me. It wasn't actually all that hard for me any more, because I had learned that I owned myself regardless of whatever the teachers were claiming.
(To be continued)
（圖：臺灣瑟谷的孩子在桌上畫行星）
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